Voicemail

[sharp_as_knives]

Hello, you've reached Doctor Hannibal Lecter's personal number. I'm not available at the moment, but if you'll let me know the reason you are calling and how I may reach you, I will give your call the attention it deserves.

If you are calling in regards to a patient, please phone my office instead.

Thank you.

Comments

[bluhblahbluh.livejournal.com]

"You are now connected, sir. You may leave a message." If the operator making the connection to Hannibal's phone sounded irritated, she was. Drac still hadn't mastered direct person-to-person calling, and was very annoying about it.

"Doctor Lecter? Are you there? This is Count Dracula. I am currently at the theatre, surrounded by fruit and vegetable trays." Can you hear the shiver, there? "If you are in town for lunch or dinner, perhaps you could find a moment to meet me and we could dine on something more appropriate?"

...

"Operator? I have completed my call. Operator? OPERATOR? Hello? Hel-" there was the sound of a switchook being struck several times "-lo? Hell- - -"

Dialtone.......

[trigons_child]

"Dr. Lecter, this is Raven. I wished to thank you for your kind invitation to Thanksgiving dinner, and to let you know I will be accepting it. I am always happy to celebrate Earth customs. I am a vegetarian, but please, there is no need to prepare anything special for me."

[3girls-1core.livejournal.com]

Delivered at some point during the day would be a small package that included a card (http://images01.olx.com/ui/19/16/34/1360103341_479551234_4-Handmade-Valentine039s-Day-Flower-Cards-For-Sale.jpg) and homemade heart-shaped cookie sandwiches (http://www.wisconsinmade.com/assets/item/large/3274-chocolate-hearts-homemade-sandwich-cookies-L.jpg). These cookies were, of course, the best of the best, hand-chosen and painstakingly decorated.

I hope this isn't inappropriate, the card read, as I just wish to convey my sincerest gratitude both for your teaching and you listening to me the other week. Thank you so much for both.

With much appreciation,
Zhahar

[furnaceface]

This one was a text message, one that didn't bother with little things like proper punctuation. Jono had no patience for doing battle with his phone, today.

feeling angry at everything around me for no reason in particular. could use a cool head tonight. almost burned down the shop. and raven.

[heromaniac]

Momoko fiddled with the wings of one of the leftover invitations as she waited for the phone to connect. Huh. Doctor Lecter worked for the FBI? Momoko hadn't known that! Maybe she should talk to him about her career- ah! The beep!

"Hello, Doctor Lecter! It's Momoko Akatsutsumi. I have a favour to ask of you... I am hosting a baby shower for Karla and Warren (you should have gotten an invitation by now?) and I was wondering how much you would charge to cater? Not the cake or sweets, I'm asking someone else for that, because it's going to be a lot with me and Karla and guests, but just a light dinner and some party food?"

"If you're too busy, I totally understand." Momoko smiled into the phone. "Ah! And don't be afraid to tell me how much you charge. I can totally bug Oracle for another job if I have to!"

And she was going to have to, if the bookmarked baby gift ideas on her laptop were any indication...

"Call me back when you have a moment? Thank you!!"

[vdistinctive]

Sometime late Saturday a package arrived at Hannibal's door with a short note: in case you'd rather get your seafood without using a rifle.

Inside was a quality bamboo fly rod and reel in an elegant case.

Eliot didn't bother signing it. He figured Hannibal was the sort who could work it out on his own.

[sharp_as_knives]

Hannibal took the package in and opened it carefully. He raised his eyebrows when he saw what it was, then checked the package and smelled the box for traces of perfume or cologne.

He stroked the fishing rod and smiled, shaking his head. He doubted Eliot had the first idea what other meanings this had for him, but it was a lovely gift. Now he just had to make a few more flies.

Left Thursday Fandom Time

[trigons_child]

"Hello, Doctor Lecter. I know that you are on the spring break cruise, and I hope you are having an enjoyable time. Karla told me she would tell you what has happened, and that I would like to see you. I have not been entirely myself, and I had hoped to speak to you about it. When you have returned and have time, I hope that you will be able to come see me. Currently I am at the Keep in Ebon Askavi, but Karla should know my whereabouts should that change."

Voicemail

[suitably_heroic]

"Hey, you mind picking up some groceries tonight? I'll pay you back, of course. Just no vegetables. You know what the consequences are when you bring vegetables into this house. Unless you can manifest lasagna."

Three guesses who that was meant for.

[[ HAPPY FIRST CRAZY PHONE DAY. ]]

Re: Voicemail

[sharp_as_knives]

[YAY CRAZY PHONE DAY! Answered here!]

Crazy Phone Day!

[notaweenie.livejournal.com]

[From here]

"Look dude, if you got fucking manboobs stop being in denial and get a fucking exercise regimen going. Why you're telling me this shit I have no fucking clue."

Re: Crazy Phone Day!

[sharp_as_knives]

Answered here and here!

[wwiii]

[From here!]

"Wait, wait, who aren't you physically compatible with? I mean, I'm all for pushing the envelope and all, but if people are propositioning you or something, why would you phone me to tell-- oh. Shit."

And that was about the moment Warren remembered that this was a thing the phones sometimes did. And hung up very quickly.

[sharp_as_knives]

By this point, Hannibal guessed that something must be up. Not to mention, Atton had said this was a thing the island sometimes did.

Which didn't mean he wasn't amused by it.

Or that he wasn't going to be an utter troll.

So he called back and left a message.

[hexentotchen.livejournal.com]

[from here!]

A very tentative voice was responding on the voicemail: "I haven't been working anywhere with fumes. And-- I'm sorry you're not getting married? But what do triplets have to do with it?"

[sharp_as_knives]

Another wrong number?

Hannibal sighed, called back, and left a message.

[bitten_notshy]

[From here]

"Right, look, not that it's any of my business but people who really aren't scared of anything usually don't call complete strangers to tell them about it."

[sharp_as_knives]

By now, Hannibal was rather having fun with this, so he called back and left a message.

[geniuswithasmartphone]

[From here]

Finally. A message that he understood, even if he didn't understand why Sparkle was sending it. "A'ight, a'ight, hold on. First off, you really think the Mister's gonna let the angels take the time box? You out ya damn mind. But, hell, even if he did, the DeLorean ain't the only time-traveling device in play. Ignore the DeLorean. Go back to the original classic and get the original time machine."

[sharp_as_knives]

Meanwhile, Hannibal had figured out the why, but he had no idea at all what this message was about.

Still, he did his best to return it.

Crazy Phone Day

[suitably_heroic]

"... I don't even know why I hang out with these stupid things any-- damn it, the voicemail cut out again, didn't it? Yeah, well, your hair looks stupid. Yours and your phone's."

Click.

Re: Crazy Phone Day

[sharp_as_knives]

Answered here!

[vdistinctive]

[from here]

"I don't need any liver. If I did I would order it my damn self. Did my staff put you up to this? And anyway, liver tastes just fine if you do it right. Maybe do it up with a nice wine and -- fava beans or somethin'. . . .

"Anyway, don't bring me any liver. Go away."

*click*

[sharp_as_knives]

(Answered here!)

Crazy Phones!

[not_a_moonie]

[From here.]

"Wow, I'm flattered, but I'm not really into girls that way? So me and my pants are gonna stay where they are. But hey, I'll call you if I ever change my mind."

Re: Crazy Phones!

[sharp_as_knives]

(Answered here!)

[crimson_sister]

By now Lucille was quite worried. Would owning a telephone mean she would have to put up with indecent messages constantly? Perhaps Cassandra would know.

"I am sorry to bother you again, but does it do this often? This telephone, is it only used for strange, obscene messages? Because I'm not sure I care to listen to them every day. Or do you think getting used to them is the best thing? Forget what I said about the kitchen knife. But... is this how courtship is done nowadays? Suggesting that one should take off items of clothing before even having a polite conversation? In that case I believe I prefer books."

[sharp_as_knives]

(Went here, here, and here!)

[rebelseekspizza]

[ from here ]

"'Course I wear clothes. Just try to make a habit of not doing it all the time, 'cause that gets boring. You should give it a shot."

... most people would be mortified about this the next day. Dante, probably not.

[sharp_as_knives]

(Went here, here, and here!)