Hannibal's house in Baltimore, Sunday evening

[sharp_as_knives]

Hannibal had decided to forego the dinner tonight; after returning from the zombie play on the island, there wasn't time for anything elaborate, and he had a feeling Raven might not want much anyway.

So instead, there was a bit of wine and some very good cheese in the study, and he sat waiting in a very comfortable chair.


[OOC: waiting for one! NFB]

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[trigons_child]

She sank back in the chair, hands folded in her lap. Meditation was easy, though it was different holding on to Hannibal's voice as she fell into a trance.

The dreams always began the same: peaceful, surrounded by friends. Nothing to fear, not yet.

[sharp_as_knives]

"Move through the dream," Hannibal encouraged her. "Tell me what you see. What you feel."

[trigons_child]

"I am in Glacia," Raven said, looking around. The sun was high in the sky, and the temperature was mild and pleasant. "It is a very nice day. So many of my friends are here."

It had to be a celebration of some sort, but she was standing apart from her friends, just watching instead of joining them. Despite the cheer of the day, she could feel unease settling on her. "I am happy to see them, but am nervous as well," she said.

Without exactly meaning to, she pulled Hannibal into her mental landscape. He wouldn't be able to feel what she felt, but he could see what she saw now, as if he were standing beside her.

[sharp_as_knives]

Hannibal blinked, then took a moment to orient himself and realize what had happened. It was a little disconcerting, but very promising.

He stepped close behind Raven and continued speaking in a soothing voice. "What makes you nervous?"

[trigons_child]

Raven wrapped her arms around herself. "They are so happy," she said wistfully. Karla and Warren's children were laughing and shrieking as they played tag with Bobby and Sookie's children. Jono was there as well, and Dinah and Momoko and other friends, even ones who had long left Fandom behind.

"I want it to last forever for them. But it will not."

[sharp_as_knives]

"Nothing lasts forever," Hannibal noted. "Why does that make you nervous?"

[trigons_child]

"Because I am the spawn of the demon Trigon," Raven said softly. "Buried within me is the will and the ability to wage evil and death. And that nature, on more than one occasion, has overpowered me to become one with the darkness. And I can feel it growing inside me again."

[sharp_as_knives]

"What does it feel like?" Hannibal asked. "What makes it stronger now?"

[trigons_child]

"I do not know," Raven said, shaking her head. "It comes and goes...no, it is tied to my emotions. Anger, fear...but I do not feel those now. Pride, perhaps. Envy."

[sharp_as_knives]

"What are you proud of?"

[trigons_child]

"My gifts," Raven said. She held her hands up in front of her face. "My healing. There is little I cannot heal. I am able to take pain from so many. How can I not be proud of that?"

[sharp_as_knives]

"Why shouldn't you be?" Hannibal countered. "You can help a lot of people. It's a reason to be proud. What does that pride make you want?"

[trigons_child]

Raven's eyes took on a red gleam. "Recognition," she said. "There is no healer no powerful than I. I have the powers of a god."

[sharp_as_knives]

Hannibal nodded. "Do you feel that your friends fail to recognize that?"

[trigons_child]

She shook her head, both to indicate no and to try to cast out the dark thoughts. "No," she said, red fading from her eyes. "And I do not require it of them. I am Court Healer, after all, and the act of healing is its own reward."

[sharp_as_knives]

"They do recognize you, you know," he told her with a smile. "Otherwise, you wouldn't be Court Healer. It is a form of recognition and repayment." He reached out to take her hands. "There is no reason to fear your pride, if it doesn't cloud your judgment. Take a moment; let yourself be proud of your abilities and your accomplishments."

[trigons_child]

"Pride calls to my demon blood," Raven said, looking at Hannibal as if she were only half-seeing him. "As do Lust, and Envy, and Wrath. And Greed and Gluttony and Sloth as well, though not nearly as strongly. It wants me to join my brothers and spread evil and misery across the world."

[sharp_as_knives]

"You still think of it as a different part of you. Consider it another way," Hannibal suggested. "Some emotions are addictive. You worry you may become too fond of pride and forget other things of value. Isn't that it?"

[trigons_child]

"If I allow them to, they will consume me," Raven said, nodding a little. "They taste so good. I always want more. I have to fight the hunger, but I do not think I will always be strong enough to do so."

[sharp_as_knives]

"Addictions are like that." Hannibal smiled at her. "What about pleasure, pride in other people, philanthropy; do they feel as good?"

[trigons_child]

Raven glanced toward her friends again. "All emotions taste good, even the negative ones. Even the pain. Sometimes it takes all the will I possess not to rip them out of someone so I might feast."

[sharp_as_knives]

"But if you treat yourself to the pain too often, you'll have a harder time experiencing their pleasure, won't you?" Hannibal asked.

[trigons_child]

Raven closed her eyes, swaying a little as she contemplated how good it would feel to feed on emotions until she was utterly sated. "Pain is more freely given," she murmured. "Pleasure...sometimes. I try not to take without permission, or to take too much."

[sharp_as_knives]

"You have restraint," Hannibal noted approvingly. "Which is better: emotions you take from others, or your own?"

[trigons_child]

"My own...can be confusing," Raven said after a moment's thought. "What I take from others seems so much more pure. I do not care about the reasons someone may love or hate or feel joy or sorrow. I just want the purity of the emotion."