Hannibal's house in Baltimore, Sunday evening

[sharp_as_knives]

Hannibal had decided to forego the dinner tonight; after returning from the zombie play on the island, there wasn't time for anything elaborate, and he had a feeling Raven might not want much anyway.

So instead, there was a bit of wine and some very good cheese in the study, and he sat waiting in a very comfortable chair.


[OOC: waiting for one! NFB]

Comments

[trigons_child]

"Family," Raven repeated, tilting her head. "No, I wish my family beside me. But my brothers are foolish and waste their power. That is why I will take it from them and make my own family."

She drew closer to Hannibal, bringing up one hand to lightly touch his face. "Do you wish to be part of it? I can sense a hunger in you, one I have never quite felt before. I find it very curious."

[sharp_as_knives]

"We all have our hungers," Hannibal answered mildly. He put his hand over hers. "As you did before, still yourself, look inside. What do you believe is the core of family?"

[trigons_child]

Raven growled and shook her head, trying to resist, but something about his voice made her want to listen. She closed her eyes. "It is not blood that makes family," she said. "It is who I have chosen to be close to me."

[sharp_as_knives]

"Why choose them?" Hannibal urged. "What makes them special to you?"

[trigons_child]

"I...I do not know. They just are," Raven said. "And they will be forever." She didn't sound as confident of that as she had just moments ago, though.

[sharp_as_knives]

"There must be some reason," Hannibal coaxed her. He nodded at Karla again. "What makes Karla special to you? What makes you want to keep her with you?"

[trigons_child]

Raven's form shifted between demon and not as she struggled with her darker impulses and tried to focus on Hannibal's voice. Trigon's blood tried to twist her feelings, so much so that she wasn't completely certain just what she felt anymore.

"I love her," she said. "I love her passion and her fire, I love her kindness and compassion, I love her determination and her wit and her mischief, I even love her stubbornness and impulsiveness. She helped me learn to be human."

[sharp_as_knives]

"Because humans are all these things. Even you," Hannibal pointed out.

[trigons_child]

"But I am only half human," Raven said softly.

[sharp_as_knives]

"And half demon," Hannibal agreed. "A half which also has its benefits and drawbacks. Your mind is not split down the middle; some things call more strongly to one aspect or another, but you are always Raven."

[trigons_child]

She drew back and wrapped her arms around herself, shaking with the effort to keep herself in control "I do not want to be a Raven that craves darkness and pain," she said, shaking her head. "I want to be good. But how can I be good if I feel such things? How can I be good if I have such hungers?"

[sharp_as_knives]

"Has Karla never craved anybody's pain? Or Jono?" Hannibal gestured at them. He wasn't even making an educated guess there; he'd seen them when the unicorns were slaughtered. "Do you think either of them is a bad person?"

[trigons_child]

"Not from those they are about," Raven said, flinching a little. "That is inexcusable."

[sharp_as_knives]

Hannibal reached out to put a hand on her shoulder. "You are a vegetarian; you choose not to eat meat, because you believe it's wrong." He kept his voice low and soothing. "If the only food available were meat, and you were starving, would you be tempted to eat it?"

[trigons_child]

"I would not wish to die," Raven admitted. "In Azarath I was raised to believe that nothing should have to die to nourish us, but...I would be tempted, yes."

[sharp_as_knives]

"You hunger for these emotions, but you deny them to yourself. Like denying yourself meat." Hannibal smiled kindly at her. "When you are at your best, it's no problem at all. But when you are starving, any source of sustenance will do, regardless of your personal morals."

[trigons_child]

Raven gave him a confused and uncertain look. "You think that I should indulge my cravings so that they do not overpower me?" she said. It did make a certain amount of sense; she'd made the mistake of repressing her emotions before, and it had just made her feel worse in the end.

[sharp_as_knives]

"When you killed that man who threatened Jono, how did you feel after? Was it easier to control your hunger?"

[trigons_child]

"I felt...satisfied," Raven admitted, the redness of her cheeks now due to a flush of shame rather than her demon side manifesting again. "But also disgusted with myself for what I had done."

[sharp_as_knives]

"Are you disgusted for me eating meat?" Hannibal asked, giving her an encouraging smile.

He chose not to specify what type.

[trigons_child]

"No," Raven said slowly, shaking her head. "I know that by nature most humans are carnivorous. I do not judge anyone for that."

[sharp_as_knives]

"Nor do I judge you for your appetites," Hannibal answered, holding out his hands, "nor should you judge yourself."

[trigons_child]

Raven reached for his hands. "It makes me feel ashamed," she said, and for someone that was supposed to represent Pride, that was a horrible thing. "And afraid of myself and what I could do."

[sharp_as_knives]

"A healthy respect for your abilities, and caution in exercising them, is admirable," Hannibal answered. He held her hands gently but firmly. "But never be ashamed for being yourself." He looked her in the eye. "You need to stop punishing yourself for the way you were born."

[trigons_child]

"I have been punishing myself for years," Raven said. Her instinct was to drop her head and hide her face, but she tried to keep Hannibal's gaze. "I do not think I know how to not do so."

Her own self-loathing ran deep, and the resulting conflict with Pride made her an emotional mess far too often.