Hannibal's house, Wednesday evening

[sharp_as_knives]

Will's trial date was getting closer, and Hannibal had a lot on his mind. But never let it be said he didn't have time to cook for a troubled friend. And if Raven were going to keep her promise and speak to him about the things that were bothering her, the least he could do was ensure it began over a decent meal.

So, dinner was finishing up, and now he was only waiting for the guest of honor.

Dinner:
sugar-snap pea and cheese curd salad
butternut squash cappellacci with sage brown butter
stuffed mushrooms
roasted asaparagus
2001 Domaine Weinbach Gewurztraminer Furstentum Quintessence de Grains Nobles

Dessert:
chocolate cheesecake mousse cups with sweet berry compote
2001 Kruger-Rumpf Münsterer Pittersberg Riesling Eiswein


[OOC: Open for phone calls, etc.; expecting one!]

Comments

[trigons_child]

Raven was still hesitant, but she wasn't going to break a promise, even one made while under the influence of a mellow mood crystal. And Jono thought it would be a good idea, and Karla had suggested it once, so....

Teleporting to his home was easy. Gathering her courage to finally knock on the door was a little more difficult. But she did.

[sharp_as_knives]

Hannibal answered the door with a smile. "Hello, Raven. Please, come in." He stood aside and held the door. "Dinner is just ready."

[trigons_child]

"Dinner?" Raven said as she stepped inside. "You did not need to go to all that trouble for me, but thank you."

[sharp_as_knives]

Hannibal gave her an amused look. "Have I ever given you the impression that having a friend for dinner was trouble?"

[trigons_child]

Raven blushed a little and shook her head. "No, never," she said. "I guess I was not certain what to expect. I have often talked to Professor Skywalker of my struggles, but he was my teacher before he was my friend. You have been my friend first, and seeking out someone who is trained to deal with emotional troubles is a new experience for me."

Her Pride was chafing at it no small amount as well.

[sharp_as_knives]

Hannibal didn't let his distaste for Skywalker show in his face, but an empath would probably pick up on it. "Many people have a dislike of psychiatrists," he noted. "Sometimes even psychiatrists. As helpful as talking through your troubles can be, it is a daunting prospect."

[trigons_child]

"It makes them real," Raven said, nodding, remembering what Jono had said to her.

Her brow furrowed a little as she picked up on his feelings for Anakin. It made her curious, but she didn't want to be rude and pry.

[sharp_as_knives]

"A daunting prospect indeed." He showed her to a seat at the table and went to get the food. "You prefer sweeter wines, if I recall," he said when he returned with it. "This one is not so sweet as a dessert wine, but not terribly dry, and it will go well with the meal."

He set the plates down and poured the wine. "Can I get you anything else?"

[trigons_child]

Raven shook her head. "No, this all looks so wonderful," she said. "It is almost overwhelming! Meals in Azarath were very simple, and when I was a student, formal meals were quite rare. Things are different in Glacia, of course, but I feel spoiled with the meals you prepare. It is like eating art."

[sharp_as_knives]

Hannibal smiled at the compliment. "Even interesting or welcome changes are stressful. Anything different can seem threatening or intimidating. Do you sometimes wish for those simpler meals?"

[trigons_child]

"I do miss Azarath sometimes," Raven admitted. "It was a place of great peace and beauty. But even if it had not been destroyed, I would never be allowed back. I have violated almost all of Azarath's laws."

[sharp_as_knives]

"Would you want to return?" Hannibal asked. "If you were permitted."

[trigons_child]

Raven shook her head, sadness in her eyes. "I would not belong there anymore," she said. "I am not the girl I was. Those of Azarath believed in peace at any cost, even their own lives, and I have learned that violence is sometimes necessary to protect those you love. And the greatest sin in Azarath is to take a life, and I have done that." She shuddered a little at that admission.

"And the people of Azarath have completely suppressed their emotions. That is how I was raised. Though I am an empath, I was not permitted to feel my own emotions, for fear that it would give my father power over me. It was not until I came to Fandom that I learned friendship and love, but also anger and hate."

[sharp_as_knives]

"Any of these emotions can be helpful or destructive," Hannibal noted. "Which of them is most difficult to accept?"

[trigons_child]

"I have struggled with all of them," Raven said softly. "Love is so wonderful, but it can also cause so much pain. And negative emotions are extremely dangerous to me. They open me to my demon side and my father's power. In Glacia, at the end of the war, I killed a man who tried to kill Jonothon. In my rage, I filled his mind with pain and suffering until it destroyed him."

And some perverse part of her had enjoyed it.

[sharp_as_knives]

"If you had not, what would have happened?" Hannibal asked.

[trigons_child]

"He might have killed Jono. Or tried to kill me. But I could have filled him with peace and calm to stop him. I chose pain instead. I wanted him to suffer for hurting Jono. I wanted him to feel all the suffering that the war had caused Glacia and her people."

She fiddled with the napkin in her lap. "What I did filled me with shame and regret. But...it also felt good, and that is what frightens me the most. I was born to thrive on pain and misery, and it is a constant struggle to deny that part of my heritage."

[sharp_as_knives]

Hannibal reached forward and took her hand. "My dear, it's been my experience that peace and calm do little to stop a truly motivated person. Had he been attacking purely out of fear, it might have made a difference, but I doubt that was the case." He gave her a sympathetic smile. "Also that denying needs, however difficult, is more likely to force them out in worse fashion than accepting and controlling them."

[trigons_child]

"I am afraid to not deny them," Raven said. "What I become is monstrous."

She glanced up at Hannibal, grateful for the comfort of his hand. "How much have I told you about what I am? I know I told you I am a demon. My mother was of Earth, but my father, Trigon the Terrible, is evil incarnate. I once thought I was his only living child, but there are six more. And together we represent what humans call the Seven Deadly Sins. I am the Sin of Pride. I did not know this for the longest time, but I was always pleased when praised, and liked it when others were proud, and I never dealt with humiliation well. But Pride is the oldest Sin, and I can also manifest the powers of my brothers -- Wrath, Lust, Envy, Gluttony, Greed, and Sloth."

[sharp_as_knives]

Hannibal's smile wasn't going anywhere. "As intriguing as I find that concept, most humans are pleased to be praised, and enjoy when others - at least those they care for - are proud of themselves." He raised an eyebrow, teasing slightly. "I am very proud of everything I have accomplished. I don't consider it a sin."

There wasn't much he did, of course, but that was beside the point.

[trigons_child]

"Of course not," Raven said, managing a smile. "It is only natural to have pride. But an excess can be dangerous. The same is true of the others as well. I sought to deny myself them entirely, but that did not help."

Her smile faded as she went on. "After Glacia was turned into an alternate world, I realized it was pointless to continue on that path. I know that I will become evil and turn on my friends. I have seen far too many futures where this happens. It is inevitable."

[sharp_as_knives]

Hannibal nodded. "I tend to think that nothing is inevitable, but it is true that some paths are much more likely to lead to a certain conclusion. What you need is a different path." He cocked his head at her. "Have you ever heard the phrase, 'everything in moderation'?"

[trigons_child]

"I have," Raven said. "But my demon side is all about excess. All my emotions are so powerful. Love, hate, loyalty, sorrow.... Perhaps it is because I did not learn to feel until I came to Fandom. While others have emotions all their lives, it has been only about six years for me."

[sharp_as_knives]

"They do become easier to handle over time," Hannibal agreed.

"Although your demon side may be 'all about excess', it is not the only side you have," he pointed out. "Besides." He chuckled. "Everything in moderation, includes moderation. A little excess from time to time doesn't have to be a bad thing."

He squeezed her hand. "The important thing is that you are the one in control. You determine how to act upon your feelings, rather than allow them to dictate those actions."

[trigons_child]

Regret flickered across Raven's face. "I do act upon my feelings too swiftly sometimes," she admitted. Too often.

"But I am trying to be better about it," she said. "Right now my every instinct is to flee from my friends, and go far far away to protect them. I have done that before in the past. I fled Azarath to protect it, though that was in vain. And when I felt my father's power reaching out for me, I tried to leave Fandom out of fear of what I would do."

What Jono had said about her always running away still stung, though she knew it was true, even though the words were born of an unnatural anger. "I want to run now, but I have not," she said. "The dreams I have been having now are so dark and terrifying. I cannot allow them to come true."

Spending so many weeks as her evil future self had shattered her confidence in herself, that she could control the dark side of her. The future seemed to hold nothing but blood and death now.