sharp_as_knives | Hannibal's house (where Jono isn't being lied to today), Friday

Hannibal hadn't noticed anything different yet today himself. He'd heard the radio, which had made him cautious, but it wasn't as though he made a habit of lying to the cats, or even to Jono these days.

So, he was staying inside for the moment and working on new wedding preparations. It wasn't as though things could go bad that way, after all.

[OOC: Open post!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

uncertain_dume

"I tried acknowledging those parts. But those parts are the dead giveaway that got most of the rest of the Order killed. I can't afford to have them," Kanan sighed. And wasn't this great coffee? This coffee was great. "And no Imperial is going to pay too much attention to a roustabout and occasional drunk who drifts from job to job. It's kept me alive this long."

From:

sharp_as_knives

"Those parts other than the lack of fashion sense you've already abandoned?" Hannibal asked archly. "What are these giveaways that are so hard to suppress?"

From:

uncertain_dume

Kanan's jaw clenched a little. Right. Here we go, then.

"Visions," he started. "That show themselves to me whether I want them to or not. Superhuman strength and agility, telekinesis, reflexes... I'll grab for them in an emergency, no matter who happens to be around. It doesn't sound like much, but I've had to leave planets behind on a few occasions because of things like that. The clones know what to look for. They've worked with enough Jedi, it's second nature to spot it."

He was going to stop himself here with another mouthful of that coffee. Cognac. He was a fan.

From:

sharp_as_knives

Hannibal was going to just keep answering that anxiety with his own calm patience. "So you stifle these urges and talents, and they surface at inconvenient times. It seems to me that exercising them, learning to use and control them fully, would be a better means of preventing that. Wouldn't it?"

From:

uncertain_dume

"One might think that." Kanan sighed. "The thing is, my training wasn't complete when Master Billaba was killed and I was left on my own. And using the Force is intuitive to a degree, but there are reasons the Jedi have such strict rules. The Force can be dangerous, and seductive, and I was a half-trained kid with a built-in weapon who was afraid and alone and desperate and everyone I had ever known was either dead, or trying to kill me. It's like... putting a blaster on the stun setting instead of having it turned to kill all of the time. I wasn't going to unleash that power where it didn't belong."

From:

sharp_as_knives

"It must have been incredibly difficult," Hannibal said. "But consider this - there are those here who could help you to train further. Either your Jedi, or others with experience of similar powers. You don't have to tell your secrets to the island as a whole, but here you have the luxury of time and potential teachers to learn better coping mechanisms than you've had to employ in the past."

From:

uncertain_dume

Deep breath.

Ragged exhale. This was edging back into 'don't want to be here talking about this' territory again.

"Since I arrived here, I've only spoken with one other Jedi that might be able to train me," Kanan murmured, looking hesitant to open his mouth again. "And I'm afraid."

Damn it. Damn it damn it damn it.

From:

sharp_as_knives

"Of failure?" Hannibal asked. "Or of success?" He poured Kanan another cup of coffee and set the bottle of cognac on the table between them.

From:

uncertain_dume

Damn it, Hannibal.

"Both. The cost of failure is too high." He reached for the cognac. Poured a healthy dose into the cup. Stole another not-too-subtle glance toward the doorway. "So is the cost of success."

From:

sharp_as_knives

"What is the very worst that happens if you fail?" Hannibal asked.

From:

uncertain_dume

"I slip," Kanan replied, clenching his jaw momentarily before he found himself compelled to continue. "Fear and anger and pain get the better of me, and I trade in peace for passion. Everything that makes me who I am gets swallowed up by the dark side of the Force. People get hurt. Those who died to keep me alive will have died for nothing. Maybe somebody manages to put me down eventually. Maybe they don't. By that point it won't matter as much, I suppose. I'll be so obsessed there won't be much left of who I am anyway."

From:

sharp_as_knives

Hannibal just nodded. "And yet that can happen to anyone, with or without your Force. Are the chances of giving into fear and anger less if you are less well-acquainted with your own abilities and limitations? I should think it was rather the other way around."

From:

uncertain_dume

"If I don't embrace the Force, I won't be as likely to feel the pull of the dark side of it," Kanan said, shrugging his shoulders. It seemed like sound enough logic to him. It would probably take an actual Jedi to convince him otherwise. "It's a different sort of pull, not quite as simple as temptation or greed. It's... hungry. It'll eat a person away from the inside if they let it. Make them believe that's exactly what they should have done all along."

From:

sharp_as_knives

"And what are the defenses against it?" Hannibal asked.

From:

uncertain_dume

"Against the dark side?" Kanan gave Hannibal a humorless smile. "Constant vigilance? Proper training? It doesn't take much for even a fully-trained Jedi to be seduced to the dark side in the right circumstances, and I'm not even that."

And wow, was that fact going to turn around to bite him in the ~~eyeballs~~ ass someday.

From:

sharp_as_knives

Hannibal smirked. "But the proper training would certainly help, it seems." Point made, he asked, "What's the worst that happens if you succeed, then?"

From:

uncertain_dume

That answer, at least, was easy.

"I get back to being a Jedi. I get back to duty and my personal well-being becomes secondary to that of everybody around me. Eventually, the Imperials find me out. They get back to hunting me like a dog. I die."

From:

sharp_as_knives

Hannibal raised an eyebrow. "There's no way of succeeding without becoming suicidally stupid? That says very little of your Jedi."

From:

uncertain_dume

"There's no way that I can think of," Kanan sighed, reaching a hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose. "The Empire is bigger than I am, and it betrayed and murdered countless Jedi, from youngling to Master. I felt them die. Maybe if my Master had lived longer, I'd have a better answer right now. But I'm barely Jedi, myself. My failure shouldn't reflect on them."

From:

sharp_as_knives

"So it would seem more training might help with that as well?"

You weren't making the case you wanted, Kanan.

From:

uncertain_dume

"I don't know how," Kanan replied, not one to be deterred. Maybe being unable to speak anything but the truth as he saw it helped with that. He'd much rather be drinking coffee than speaking, after all. "Being fully trained Jedi didn't help most of them."

From:

sharp_as_knives

Hannibal shook his head, still smiling. "No solution will work should you not wish to see it. All I ask is that you consider these things. It's better to plan for eventualities than simply to fear them."

From:

uncertain_dume

"The plan that I had seemed to be working out just fine, until I wound up here," Kanan pointed out. "... It wasn't the most healthy plan, but it was working."

Damn that addendum. He would've been perfectly happy if he'd just left it at 'just fine.'

From:

sharp_as_knives

"Ah," Hannibal said, "but it is my job to help people find healthy ways of coping. And," he didn't stop himself from adding, "I do enjoy meddling in people's lives, to help them become more fully realized."