Hannibal's house (which Jono's not speaking to him in (ha) ), Friday

[sharp_as_knives]

Lucille, Hannibal had no doubt, had heard the entire altercation with Jack. But she was inclined to murder herself, and had helped him after, so he wasn't worried about that.

Sparkle, on the other hand, he had little doubt had also heard, and he'd not seen hide nor hair of the boy since. And while Sparkle did seem to harbor his own sort of ruthlessness, it hadn't yet extended to murder save when they hadn't entirely been themselves.

So, Hannibal had phoned him and left a message. A request, not a demand, to speak with him.

Now he waited and hoped.


[Hannibal's home all day; open post other than Sparkle's thread. The nature of Jack's beef with Hannibal and the discussion of murdertimes NFB!]

Comments

[myownface]

Deep and slow. Grounding, steadying breaths. Sparkle... could probably handle that much. He could probably manage an inhale that wasn't threatening to turn into a sob, and an exhale that wasn't a ragged mess. It seemed like the basics, right then. He could handle breathing for now, and the rest, he'd sort out later. But he couldn't sort anything if he didn't breathe.

So... breathing. In through the nose. Out through the mouth.

[sharp_as_knives]

"Good," Hannibal crooned. "Very good." He matched the rhythm of his words to Sparkle's breaths. "You see? You can do it. You haven't forgotten at all."

[myownface]

Sparkle let himself just breathe for a few moments more. Tried to ground himself in it, to clear his head, or at least get himself back to a point where he could speak without having to worry about... just... exploding.

But here he was, and he felt as though he was going to burst.

"S'not as easy as it looks..."

[sharp_as_knives]

Hannibal gave a breathless chuckle. "Few things are. Don't let worrying about it distract you from doing it. There is no wrong way to breathe, unless you stop."

[myownface]

Sparkle was quiet again, just breathing for a little while longer, before, almost inaudibly quiet, he ventured, "Don't you ever get that feeling? Where your breath has been stolen away and it doesn't matter how much gasping you do, you wonder if you'll never catch it again?"

[sharp_as_knives]

Physically, he was still rather feeling like that, but Hannibal knew that wasn't what Sparkle meant. "Not in quite some time. The trick is to remember that that feeling is a lie - the air is always there, always waiting for you. Endless."

[myownface]

He bit his cheek again, this time without really thinking of the blood he'd drawn earlier, and Sparkle winced a bit at the stab of sharp pain in his mouth. He felt like he would choke on it, like he could drown in it, and at least if he did it meant he knew what was coming for him.

He licked his lips. He shifted his weight just enough to let him stare tiredly down at the floor. And then he nodded, just a little.

"Yeah," he murmured. "I suppose it is."

Right up until the next time he thought too hard about any one of a million things.

[sharp_as_knives]

"Keep that in your thoughts," Hannibal said. "Whatever else is there. Stop and remember from time to time. Never forget to breathe." He squeezed Sparkle's shoulder. "So long as you live, your breath and your mind are two things nobody can take from you. Use them; keep them close and safe; let them protect you and each other."

[myownface]

"My breath and my mind," Sparkle echoed, tiredly. And then he looked back at Hannibal. "Do... do you remember, when reality was tearing itself apart...?"

[sharp_as_knives]

Hannibal nodded. "I remember. I had adopted you."

[myownface]

Sparkle nodded his agreement. That was exactly the thing he'd been referring to.

"Yeah," he said. "And I knew."

And he'd delighted in it, too.

[sharp_as_knives]

Hannibal nodded back. "I considered telling you then, how close that reality was to our own, but you didn't seem ready."

[myownface]

"I still don't think I'm ready," Sparkle admitted. "I'm not that kid. I'm not okay with this."

He wasn't okay with basically all of this. The Sparkle of a couple of years ago might have learned to be, if he thought that was what it would take to get the one caring role model in his life to approve of him. But Sparkle now wasn't that kid.

Sparkle now was too damn tired.

[sharp_as_knives]

"You don't need to be," Hannibal assured him. "I don't require all my friends to agree with me or share my tastes. I will continue to care for you, enjoy your company, teach you what you like, and cook for you only what you will eat."

[myownface]

'What Sparkle would eat' seemed to be a rapidly shrinking list of things that could be even reminiscent of human flesh, at this point. Not because he didn't think Hannibal would slip any to him, but because he really didn't want the reminder.

He decided to chew on his lip instead of aggravating his aching cheek any more than it already was.

"I think I need time," he decided, after a long silence. "I need to figure out what to make of... everything. This summer has been too much. Everything is just too much."

[sharp_as_knives]

"I understand." Hannibal nodded. "Will you still come to visit? I welcome your company, and I would still very much like to help you, whether you wish to speak of this or not."

He'd made vegetarian food before; he could do it again.

[myownface]

Sparkle bit his lip, and then shrugged a little, sighing.

"Right now isn't a great time for me to answer questions like that," he murmured, in what was possibly one of the most insightful decisions he'd made about figuring out his own boundaries in... ever. "Can I have some time to process, and then come back to it? I don't want to just... say something and then find out I can't hold to it later."

[sharp_as_knives]

"Of course." Hannibal smiled. "I'm proud of you for realizing that. When you're ready, let me know."

[myownface]

Sparkle swallowed, and then pulled in a few ragged breaths, and then nodded.

"Thanks." He didn't have much, but he had a thanks. He at least owed Hannibal that much. "Maybe I should... I mean..."

He glanced toward the door.

"For now. And we can talk again when this is less... raw."

When he was less likely to bleed all over the floor in words.

[sharp_as_knives]

"If you prefer," Hannibal said. "But you're also welcome to stay for as long as you like. The decision is yours."

[myownface]

Sparkle worried at his lip, and then nodded.

"I'm tired," he said, softly. "And now my head hurts from... you know."

All the crying he'd been doing. Lots of that.

"I think I need to just have some me time. There's a lot of just... stuff."

[sharp_as_knives]

"There is." Hannibal nodded again, then pulled Sparkle in for a gentle hug. "Do what you need to. Don't forget to breathe."

[myownface]

"Thanks," Sparkle murmured, and he didn't resist this hug either, even if maybe it was against his better judgement. He was too tired to care. "I... Maybe I'll talk to you after one of your classes or something, next."

In a safe place where there were other people around. Not that he was going to specify that was why.

[sharp_as_knives]

"Whenever and wherever you like," Hannibal said.

Sparkle didn't have to specify; Hannibal was good at figuring it out.

He let Sparkle go with a smile. "Drop by or call. You know where to find me."