London, Friday Fandom time

[sharp_as_knives]

Even if Hannibal hadn't genuinely wanted a motorcycle, the sheer glee on Jono's face when he discussed it would have made it a very tempting prospect. The looks Hannibal got trying on leathers weren't discouraging, either.

So, after most of Thursday afternoon and a bit of Friday morning, they were the proud owners of a 2015 Triumph Thruxton and a Norton Commando 961 SF, and Hannibal had a new jacket, leather pants, and boots.

And when you had new bikes and leathers, you had to try them out, didn't you?


[OOC: For the other boy on the bike! NFI, NFB, OOC is love!]

Comments

[sharp_as_knives]

"Fandom can be intense at the best of times," Hannibal said, looking back. "And this Spring has not been one of those."

[furnaceface]

//No,// Jono agreed, leaning into Hannibal a little more. //That it hasn't been. I'm so bloody ready for summer by this point, I can't stress that much enough.//

As if the turning of the seasons was going to change anything at all.

Summer was going to get off to a great start, at this rate.

//You know, I never did ask how your time with your sister went...//

Which he'd feel more like an ass about, except he'd been putting off talking about that whole weekend a fair bit.

[sharp_as_knives]

And Hannibal had been giving him a bit of space to process it all first.

He smiled. "It was lovely, having her for the weekend. Not so strange as I might have thought; I was always more of a father to her than an older brother. And she was so happy." He sighed and looked at Jono. "And yours? You seemed very settled, after."

[furnaceface]

//It was...// Jono paused for a moment, and then shrugged his shoulders. //Different. She was still very much Didi, and there wasn't very much of me left that was the same Jonothon that she used to know. It was good, but... odd?//

Odd. That seemed like a good word for it.

//When we stopped by to visit, I'm sorry she wasn't, er...// He waved his free hand around a little. //Politer?//

She'd said creepy. Just outright. Jono had actually been slightly appalled by that, standing in that odd position where his dead ex met his current flame and then tension happened over a mention of coffee.

//She's not generally like that.//

[sharp_as_knives]

Hannibal smiled at him. "As I said, I'm certain I wasn't seeing her at her best. And she was honest; I won't fault that."

He thought for a moment, stroking Jono's side. "You have grown; more than the years you've lived, even. Of necessity, she hasn't. I can imagine it would be odd."

[furnaceface]

//It was... there were moments when I didn't even think about it. We could laugh and joke like old times as naturally as anything. And then I'd let a thought slip that came from some other mind, some other life, or I would just be more... more comfortable in my own skin, and it became shockingly obvious just how long it's really been. Years here, lifetimes in my head, and all of that is... it's not even a heartbeat for her. Not even a blink. I kept moving on.//

She hadn't.

[sharp_as_knives]

"If you hadn't, I would worry," Hannibal told him. "We move on, or we die. Nobody stays the same as long as they're living. You've changed in the time I've known you." He chuckled. "And I don't even mean from large and blue to this."

[furnaceface]

//In fairness, that was a very notable change,// Jono noted, leaning toward him a little. //Came hand-in-hand with another one, up here.//

And at that, he reached up to tap the side of his head.

//Didn't even get to that one, when I was catching up with Didi,// he noted, brow furrowing a little. //Huh.//

That was something else, too. That they'd spent hours talking, and they'd only barely scratched the surface of what had happened. Didn't touch much on the war, didn't touch at all on Fortress X. Weapon X and Akkaba had been too much. They'd needed to stop for something, er, different.

[sharp_as_knives]

"You had a weekend of nostalgia. You didn't need to spend it getting her up to date on your life, because the weekend was a slice outside of it," Hannibal said.

[furnaceface]

//Yes, but...// Jono paused for a moment, trying again to put together words. //It... bothered her, that I'd moved on. That I'd changed so much. That she missed so much.//

He hesitated a second more before adding, //She offered to come back to the island. As Death, not Didi. Which doesn't sound like much of a distinction, not when you've only met one aspect, but the difference between the two is...//

He held the hand that wasn't currently around Hannibal's waist out in front of himself. Waved it around a little, as if that would magically make words happen.

For some reason, the hand wasn't much more eloquent than the rest of him.

[sharp_as_knives]

"Large, I am guessing," Hannibal said. "And you didn't want her to come back if it wasn't the same?"

Please forgive Hannibal for being so off-base. It was rare, but he had a bit of a blind spot when people he cared for were involved.

[furnaceface]

Jono shifted his weight a little, suddenly finding the grass underfoot to be absolutely fascinating.

//The difference is large,// he confirmed, //and I told her...//

Hooboy.

//We both agreed, everything would be different. She barely knows who I am now. And Death is something so vast and incomprehensible, like Didi, but a millionfold, and if I'm being completely honest with myself, I'm a little intimidated by her. By all that she is. And... I... couldn't say no. Not to a second chance at having her friendship.//

It was not given for mortals to love the Endless.

And it wasn't Death that Jono had loved. Hell, maybe his answer would have been different, had it been Death asking, and not Didi.

//When she left... the first time... she asked me to come with her,// he noted, quietly, as that thought came to mind. //Picture that. Me. A stupid kid, offered eternity by the side of Death. And god... I was tempted. I can't possibly... There aren't words for how tempted I was.//

He'd said no. Of course he had. He was still here, after all.

//For a brief glance at Didi from time to time, through that filter. Through that larger, impossible self that was Death, I was tempted. But I knew it wasn't meant to be. Not me and Death. Not like that. Even as a stupid kid with a newly broken heart facing what seemed like eternity alone, I understood that. And then? Then I had nothing else to lose.//

That came with a pointed look at Hannibal.

//It can't be Jono and Didi again, not the way it once was. Didi is dead, is Death, and I've found other reasons to go on in her absence. We could be friends. But she was right, back when she told a stupid kid in high school that it wasn't given for mortals to love the Endless. I just didn't grasp why, then. Not yet. Meeting her again, knowing how much I changed and how much she didn't, even though she went on as Death, that put it more into perspective.//

[sharp_as_knives]

Hannibal was silent for a while, parsing everything Jono had said. It came out...mostly positive. "And her friendship is all that you're interested in? For old time's sake?"

[furnaceface]

//For old time's sake,// Jono agreed, nodding. //I've got something with you already, and it's still new, and I know we have things we still need to discuss, bits and pieces to work on here and there, but those are things I want to discuss, that I want to work on. I don't want to endanger... whatever it is we're working toward. Not for the sake of a memory forged in a different life entirely."

[sharp_as_knives]

"And once you forge new memories with her?" Hannibal asked. He kept his voice even, but he couldn't help being a bit suspicious and possessive, and had no doubt that Jono would pick up on it. "Once she learns who you are now. Even if you won't go back to her, will you be wishing that you could?"

[furnaceface]

Of course Jono caught it; he'd been rather expecting it. And he didn't blame Hannibal for that concern, either.

//It's not...// He furrowed his brow a little. //I don't think it will come to that. Like I said, she's Death, not Didi, and it's not just a matter of her learning who I am. I don't... They're the same, but they're vastly different. And they're not...//

He ran a hand through his hair.

//They're not you. I've known you for years. I've actually had more time to forge a friendship and a relationship with you than Didi and I have had together in total. You've seen me through hell, Hannibal. Several times. Didi and I were kids together for a year, and she was a very important part of my life, I won't ever deny that. But you and I, we're together now. I'm not going to throw today away for yesterday. Yesterday has rarely worked out for me, anyway.//

[sharp_as_knives]

"And yet you still carry her letter with you. When you lost it, it helped to push you into Gaunt's clutches," Hannibal pointed out. He had a sudden urge to brand Jono or carve his initials into his flesh - anything to leave him with something of his, something permanent. But then, even that wouldn't be truly permanent on Jono, would it?

[furnaceface]

Jono hesitated for a moment, and then shrugged his shoulders.

//Would it help if I had something of yours to carry around? The letter was a reminder of her, yes, but it was just as much a reminder of me. It was my one unquestionable reminder of the life I had before Weapon X. No life that was crammed into my mind had her, you know. Or the things she taught me.//

He paused in their walk, reached for Hannibal's hand and turned to face him.

//The things she taught me were a part of who I was, and I lost that person, for better or worse, years ago. The things you've taught me are a part of who I am. I'd carry a token of you around with me if I had one, but you're here and alive and well, and I'd much rather reach for your hand when I want some contact with you than reach for a token of something long gone, falling apart in my pocket.//

[sharp_as_knives]

Hannibal put his free hand on Jono's cheek, caressing it. "When I'm not in reach, you have memories of me. Are they enough to ground you?"

[furnaceface]

//They usually are,// Jono replied, leaning his face into that caress. //And when they aren't, something has clearly gone terribly wrong, and no piece of paper is going to do the trick, either.//

He scuffed a toe against the grass, and then shrugged his shoulders.

//But if it's gotten to that point, that's not because I'm not thinking hard enough about you or Didi or anybody else. It's because I'm still only human. I can still break, no matter what tokens I carry around wherever I go.//

He had broken before, even with that letter in his pocket, before he ever knew Hannibal. He'd just barely been coaxed back from the ledge. He was thankful, now, that he had been, and he couldn't see it getting to that point again, but then, his life had been long and full of horrors. Even he couldn't make that promise.

[sharp_as_knives]

"And yet you still carry it," Hannibal pointed out. "Comfortable habits can be difficult to break."

[furnaceface]

Jono paused for a moment, and then raised an eyebrow and lifted his chin. Head. That part of his face that resembled a chin when he was all wrapped up.

//It's in my bag. In our room. Right now.//

Which was... it was huge, actually.

[sharp_as_knives]

Voluntarily, and given Jono's paranoia about keeping his things close to the door in case of kidnapping? That was definitely huge. And went further to settle Hannibal than a verbal reassurance could have.

He nodded and leaned forward to kiss Jono's cheek. "Does she know all this?" he asked.

[furnaceface]

//She knows most of it,// Jono replied, nodding and nuzzling his face into the crook of Hannibal's neck. //The conversation she and I had wasn't quite this... frank, really. But we both agreed that whatever we had before, we've missed too much to just... leap in again. We're not even really the same people.//

Even if Hannibal hadn't been in the picture, starting from the beginning again would have been smart. Jono barely knew Death at all. Didi had missed too much of what had made Jono who he is now. Leaping in again blindly for anything longer than a weekend would have been... stupid. Definitely stupid.

[sharp_as_knives]

"Does she know you don't want to pursue a relationship with her?" Hannibal asked. "Will she respect that?" He scowled. "She is moving back to Fandom for you; it seems unlikely that she only wants your friendship."