Pacific Princess, room 102, Thursday afternoon/evening

[sharp_as_knives]

Their discussion at the theater was getting private enough that retiring to their room had sounded like a good idea. The boat was half empty at the moment, a good number of the guests on shore and most of the rest outside on deck.

Hannibal sat on the edge of the bed and watched Jono. "Would you like to start?"

Comments

[furnaceface]

//Right. Start.//

This had seemed much easier back when they were on dry land, and he wasn't trying to piece together words using a rational mind. Words that came from that place he'd been sitting in before were far more complicated. More difficult, even. They had been coming out without much of a filter before, and dredging them up now that he had a chance to walk some of it off was an exercise in pulling figurative teeth.

//I guess...// Jono paced a little, from one side of the room to the other. //I guess I should start with the obvious? We're out on vacation and we're taking time to ourselves and here I go, spotting you and this lovely lady who proceeded to... flirt with you, I think, rather shamelessly, and there I was, reminding myself that, good lord, you're welcome to chat with whoever you please. Everything beyond that is mostly just a jumble of feelings, I think.//

[sharp_as_knives]

"Jealousy, you mentioned." Hannibal leaned forward, encouraging. "What else?"

[furnaceface]

Jono's shoulders bunched up a little, and he made himself stop pacing for a moment.

//I don't know, mate. It's not really...// He checked himself, well aware that he was about to tell one of his closest friends, who also happened to be a bloody psychiatrist, that it wasn't important. There went his hand, raking through his hair in frustration, instead. //Ashamed, alright? I felt ashamed for feeling jealous, and tempted to go over there and interrupt, though that would've been absolutely horrid of me, and it's... just... complicated.//

He'd hated that woman a little. In the same way he used to hate Warren. She was sitting there being perfect, and he'd really much rather she not be.

[sharp_as_knives]

"Feelings generally are," Hannibal answered. "But please never feel ashamed or apologetic on my account. Not for something like this." He steepled his hands and gave Jono an open and pleasant look. "What would you like to do about these feelings?"

Act on them? Give them time? Forget about them entirely?

[furnaceface]

Sometimes, Hannibal, your open demeanor and your pleasant smile and your soothing voice and that little wrinkle near your eyes when you smiled and your boundless bloody patience were infuriating. Not through any fault of your own, but because Jono had no idea how to react to them.

And Jono was fairly certain that Hannibal had to be well aware of that.

//I...// He blinked, and fell quiet for a moment, sort of silently groping to try to find words. But words still weren't exactly cooperating, and he was somewhere between light-headed and panicky and still damn ashamed of his stupid knee-jerk back at the theatre, and when, after a few moments more he still couldn't find words, he just sort of ducked his head. //I don't... know.//

Apparently, he was horrid at this. Good to know.

[sharp_as_knives]

And sometimes, Jono, you were simply adorable. Hannibal could ea..AHEM. Or not.

Instead, he nodded. "What are some of the options you might prefer, then? Some of the choices before you that might be acceptable?"

[furnaceface]

At that, Jono glanced back up again, hesitantly. He was shit at making requests, or even really giving an answer to a question like that. Hell, even he wasn't certain if that was because he was afraid of making more ridiculous, unfair requests, or if maybe he was afraid of rejection.

Let's be real. Jonothon was always afraid of rejection.

//That I might prefer? I suppose I...// He winced. //That is...// Use your words, Jono. //If maybe we were...//

No. He couldn't ask for that. After all of this, he couldn't cope with a 'no.'

//Bloody hell, you don't ask easy questions, you know that?//

Jono, stalling? Imagine that.

[sharp_as_knives]

Hannibal chuckled a little at that. "It isn't meant to be difficult. No harsh judging, I promise."

He looked Jono over. "I can think of a number of options: you could decide these feelings are transient and nothing you're interested in exploring; you could decide you'd like to pursue a relationship; you could decide you'd prefer a bit of time to yourself to decide. So long as you are being true to yourself and not denying or sublimating anything, any decision you make is entirely valid."

[furnaceface]

That... was either the most reassuring thing Jono had heard in a while, or perhaps one of the most terrifying. Those were all options he'd considered, but hearing them from Hannibal's mouth made them... made them real?

Being true to himself was bloody terrifying, damn it.

//And if I were to say I was interested in pursuing a relationship...?//

You know. Purely hypothetically. Because if he was asking in any way but that bloody hypothetical, he'd probably implode. Really.

[sharp_as_knives]

Hadn't Jono done enough imploding and exploding to last him a lifetime?

"Then in that - purely hypothetical - case," because he was completely fooled by this, naturally, "I suppose I would have questions about what you would like that to entail. We would need to discuss what we each expect and how to proceed. For instance, serious flirting with intent would be discouraged, but I would not stop friendly flirting, nor would I expect you to." He smirked. "If nothing else, we are both friends with Karla, after all."

[furnaceface]

Heh, that was true enough.

//Kiss kiss,// Jono replied, rolling his eyes a little. But at least that helped him to relax a little. Okay. This wasn't a disaster just yet. //But yes... flirting... would really be just flirting. No harm in that...?//

He sounded maybe slightly dazed. This conversation was actually happening? Really?

[sharp_as_knives]

"Of course not." Unless someone was very rude about it. "So, apart from that - you would be welcome in my house as you like," as if he weren't already, "and I could even have a key made if you wanted one. I would say that you could move in permanently, but I suspect we would both want a bit of space from time to time regardless of how this continues."

He let Jono digest that for a moment, then continued. "We can set aside regular time to spend together, if you like, although I'm well aware that both prior commitments and insular oddities may not permit it. Would you prefer to be exclusive sexually, or would you rather continue to sleep with women?"

There was still no judgement in his voice, only pleasant curiosity. These were the perils of dating a psychiatrist, Jono!

[furnaceface]

He'd known coming into this that he was about to step into something with somebody who made a living on getting people to talk it out. Jono had no regrets now.

He was going to blink anyway, though, because the ease with which Hannibal asked that was something to be admired.

//Ah... I suppose I hadn't thought much about that part. I mean...// He spread his hands. //Sex is nice, but unless it's one of those weeks, I don't generally go... looking for it, either...?//

Far too many body issues for that, for one.

[sharp_as_knives]

Whereas Hannibal simply had better things to do with his time, most often. He smiled. "I rarely go looking for it myself. Perhaps we can table that question until it comes up, and simply promise to discuss it before taking any action?"

[furnaceface]

//That works for me, I think,// Jono replied, rubbing awkwardly at the back of his neck. //Communication is important anyway. Of course we'd talk about it, presumably even if we did both agree to keeping one-nighters with women on the table.//

That was possibly the most coherent thought he'd managed to piece together without berating himself, tonight.

[sharp_as_knives]

That meant he was making progress! "We would," Hannibal agreed.

[furnaceface]

//Good. Good. I... Huh.//

... Yeah, Jono had that slightly bewildered look about him again. He wasn't completely certain how this had happened, considering it had started with him playing the 'I'm totally not feeling bitter toward that pretty woman over there for no sane reason' game.

[sharp_as_knives]

Hannibal had a somewhat better idea of how it had happened, and right now he was patiently waiting to see if Jono had any questions for him, and not at all smirking.

[furnaceface]

Jono did, of course. A whole lot of them, actually, but all of those were going to have to go on hold for a moment, because, so help him...

//You're enjoying this.//

Because Jono needed to say that. Mostly not at all sulkily, really.

[sharp_as_knives]

"Just a bit," Hannibal confessed, grinning. "You really are terribly adorable."

[furnaceface]

//I...// Jono had no idea what to say to that, so he sat there for a moment more with his eyes wide, before ducking his head all over again. Which... was probably no less adorable. //Bloody hell, Hannibal.//

Adorable. C'mon! Jonothon didn't do adorable!

With the possible exception of right this very moment.

[sharp_as_knives]

Hannibal laughed openly. "So, would you care to make this more than hypothetical?" he asked. "You can still say no."

[furnaceface]

No would have been such a safe answer. No meant no feelings hurt, he could deal with whatever that had been back in the gallery and they could get on with their respective lives as good friends and maybe the occasional 'with benefits' addendum.

That deep-down part of Jonothon who was terrified of commitment and being hurt and all of this blowing up in his face was insisting that this situation was as good a time for 'no' as any.

Jonothon nodded his head.

//I would care to. Very much, I think.//

That deep-down part of Jonothon could go get stuffed.

[sharp_as_knives]

Hannibal was very proud. Jono was standing up and taking something that he wanted. Even if (especially if?) that something was a relationship with him.

No would have been a safer answer for a number of reasons.

"Then we will." Hannibal smiled and got up to wrap his arms around Jono. "Although I should warn you, I have no intention of calling you my boyfriend. Neither of us is a boy; there must be a better word."

[furnaceface]

//There are absolutely better words,// Jono agreed, stepping into the hug, content to just stand there like that for a moment. //I've got enough memories of boyhood to last three lifetimes, I'm about ready for something a little more mature. Partner?//

Did partner sound detached? Impartial? Jono really had no clue. He'd never really had a relationship that didn't start in high school.

[sharp_as_knives]

To Hannibal it sounded equal. And fairly permanent. He wasn't at all certain how adept he'd be at either. But he never started anything he didn't think he had a chance of being good at.

"Partner sounds much better."

[furnaceface]

Jono kind of sucked at permanent, too, when all was said and done. But if Hannibal seemed game for it, maybe there was a fighting chance.

Yeah, Jono was judging a lot of how insane this was by whether or not Hannibal thought it was worth his time. He knew how the man felt about trying things he didn't think he'd be excellent at.

//I mean,// he leaned back a little to look at Hannibal, //unless you can come up with something that you think fits better? But 'that guy I'm seeing' is a bit of a mouthful to say all the time, even for me.//

[sharp_as_knives]

"It is," Hannibal agreed. "'Lover' tells people a bit more than they need to hear, 'manfriend' sounds extremely awkward, and I never have particularly cared for 'significant other'. 'Paramour'? 'Leman'? 'Beau'?"

Feel free to stop him any time, Jono.

[furnaceface]

//Those are all quite... French,// Jono observed, blinking. //Paramour sounds like we're about to get swept up in some great epic romance with sweeping orchestrals in the background and a striking palette that was actually painted in some thirty years after it was all caught on film. Possibly horses. I never did get along with horses. Beau could be okay, though. It sounds more...//

He picked at a few words for that one before he settled on, //cozy?//

Beau sounded like a very cuddly sort of relationship, to Jono.

[sharp_as_knives]

Probably because it was a popular name for dogs.

"Good lord," Hannibal said, laughing, "you weren't supposed to agree with any of those!"

[furnaceface]

Oh, the relief on Jonothon's face there was crystal clear.

//Thank god. I was really only sort-of agreeing with beau because it was the least offensive of the lot.//

Seriously, Hannibal. He could kiss you. Er. If only he could kiss you.

[sharp_as_knives]

Someday!

Hannibal chuckled and leaned in to kiss him on the cheek. "'Partner' it is, then. Now, I believe I promised you a beer?"

[furnaceface]

//After 'beau,' I think I could use one,// Jono decided, nodding his head a little. //I think now would be an excellent time for that.//

See? It would help him feel better, since he'd been so needlessly terrified!

[sharp_as_knives]

"Una cerveza, con gusto."

Hannibal could see that terror.