Office Hours, Wednesday afternoon

[sharp_as_knives]

At least one student had requested they speak, and after the past few weeks, Hannibal wondered if there might be more as well.

So, he was in his office, soothing classical music playing and spiced tea brewing, reading his tablet and waiting.


[OOC: Waiting for one, but open to others, though not at the same time! Eleanor's thread is content-NFB, please, and also TRIGGER WARNING for discussion of suicide.]

Comments

[sharp_as_knives]

"Many who commit suicide are focused on their own difficulties; sometimes they are unable to think beyond them," Hannibal noted. "Some believe, correctly or incorrectly, that the benefits to their death - for themselves or those they leave behind - outweigh such concerns.

"And there are those who will attempt the act precisely to cause guilt and grief. More often, they don't intend to succeed, but they may anyway."

He sipped his tea and gave Eleanor a wry smile. "There are probably as many reasons for suicide as there are people who attempt it."

[nobloodymessiah.livejournal.com]

"What about a young mother?" Eleanor asked. Maybe that was saying too much. She lifted the cup and took a long sip of the tea, forcing herself to think over her words before blurting them out.

Of course, now that she had said it, there was no taking it back.

"What about responsibilities? That is ... take that mother, for example. I doubt a sane person would want to cause that guilt and resentment in a young child. Wouldn't she -- doesn't she realize that her daughter needs her?"

[sharp_as_knives]

"Recent mothers often suffer depression and other symptoms that can lead to suicidal thoughts," Hannibal answered. "If her daughter was very young, postpartum depression may have been a factor."

He sipped his own tea and thought. "It's also likely that responsibilities may have been an incentive rather than a deterrent. If someone feels unworthy or incapable of rising to what is expected of them, they may feel that death is an easier solution. Particularly if she felt her daughter might be better off with somebody better suited. Feelings of inadequacy can be insidious."

So he'd heard, never having experienced them himself.

[nobloodymessiah.livejournal.com]

"But did she never --" Eleanor paused, trying to see the world from that mother's eyes instead of being furious on Celia's behalf. "So could someone really think she was doing her child a favor? Wouldn't she ... would it never occur to her that ..."

If Mother were here, she would lecture Eleanor about how imprecisely she was speaking, with all of her fragments tossed about.

Of course, if Mother were here, Eleanor would have much bigger problems than her terrible speech pattersn.

"That that child would blame herself," she said, finally. "Assume she was unloved, abandoned, that she was such a burden that her mother would rather die than raise her."

[sharp_as_knives]

"It's impossible to know for certain without having met the woman," Hannibal answered almost apologetically.

"It may not have occurred to her; she may have thought it obvious that her problems were her own. She may have thought her daughter would feel guilty, yet would be better off despite that. Or she may have wanted her to blame herself."

He set his cup down and folded his hands in his lap, doing his best to look as gentle and harmless as possible. "In trying to judge her motives, you must also consider that, from what you've said, your own maternal upbringing was far from conventional or ideal. Try not to let that color your beliefs about another's experience."

[nobloodymessiah.livejournal.com]

Eleanor frowned, her body language stiffening ever so slightly. She set the cup of tea down again and aimed her eyes directly at her professor.

"You're saying, since my mother was cruel, I might be predisposed to see someone else's uncharitably," she said darkly.

[sharp_as_knives]

Hannibal met her eyes frankly but without animosity. "Yes. Don't you think there's a chance of that?"

[nobloodymessiah.livejournal.com]

Eleanor had to give that a few seconds of thought before shaking her head.

"I don't doubt it could happen," she said. "But I'm angry at this woman not because of Mother, but for what she did to Ce -- ... to my friend. I held her as she cried, thinking she was unloved, that she caused her mother to discard her own life. And I'm angry because ..."

She was struggling, now, with the words to explain the odd miasma of feelings in her stomach.

"My mother didn't love me," she said, forcefully. "I know that. I've accepted it. It doesn't hurt me." A convenient lie. "This other girl's mother isn't some monster. She doesn't have that excuse. She's supposed to love her and ..."

It was coming out tangled, no matter what words she used.

[sharp_as_knives]

"It is a fresh hurt for your friend. You have had time to come to terms with your mother's betrayal."

He pondered for a moment. "I was speaking with someone the other day, about a different issue. I told him, monsters are easy to dismiss; people are more complicated. It is possible that this woman failed to love her daughter as she should. It is also entirely possible that she loved her daughter very much, and yet still killed herself."

Hannibal leaned forward. "Unless this woman left a note, or we are - through the vagaries of this island - somehow able to ask her, we may never know her reasons. It was almost certainly not simply your friend - or any one thing - that was the cause of it."