sharp_as_knives (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sharp_as_knives) wrote2015-04-27 09:37 pm
sharp_as_knives) wrote2015-04-27 09:37 pm
Entry tags:
From...somewhere...to...somewhere else? Monday, Fandom time.
This vacation had been months in the planning. Jono had bought tickets for pretty much all of it back around Hannibal's birthday, and then circumstances had continued to be big and overwhelming, to the point where they'd wound up rescheduling until, finally, here they were. On their way to London, the break before the summer sessions were about to start.
It was really just a shame, about the whole alien invasion going on overhead.
//I bloody well swear, next time they tell me a stopover is in a place with a varied population,// Jono swore, grabbing Hannibal by the hand so that he could drag him to shelter from a falling bomb, //with a unique view of the night bloody sky, I'm going to find that gnome and shove that travel guide right up his--//
BOOM.
Hannibal shielded his eyes from the light of that blast and gave Jono a look of mingled incredulousness and affront. "Why on earth is there any sort of stopover? Weren't there any direct portals?" He'd always gotten direct ones himself. "And why would they put one here?"
//Hell if I know,// Jono replied, peering out from under their shelter to see if the alien swarm was still circling overhead. The answer was a very emphatic yes. //They always give me the stopover trips. Sometimes it isn't so terrible, gives me a false sense of security for trips like these.//
"Do they have something against you?" Hannibal asked. Honestly, this was just… He winced as another blast hit fairly close. Then, giving Jono a look, he took out his phone and dialed the number for Portalocity. "What are our ticket numbers?"
//I've only ever been polite,// Jono protested, pulling a printout of their ticket receipt from his pocket and passing it Hannibal's way. //Hell, I've taken to offering to pay them extra for trips without risk of loss of limb or life!//
He was fairly certain some cackling salesperson was pocketing the difference.
Hannibal took the receipt with a nod. "I'm certain you have; it doesn't mean - hello," he said to the Portalocity person on the other end. "This is Doctor Hannibal Lecter. There seems to have been a problem with our stopover, as you can hear." He paused for an explosion, alien squeal, and wet-sounding crunch. "This is hardly conducive to safe arrival at our destination, is it?"
The pause this time was to listen to the employee on the other line give a standard, bland apology for the inconvenience. "I appreciate your position," Hannibal told him smoothly, "however I must insist upon another portal immediately. If not to our destination, then to a more comfortable stop. If you're unable to manage it, I will wait for someone who can. I suggest you hurry."
He was on hold only briefly before a manager came on, apologized profusely (did they sound as if they were sweating? probably), and started looking for a suitable portal. "Thank you," Hannibal said warmly. "And I would appreciate it if you could have a look at our return tickets as well? It really is quite rude to drop your customers into places like this unless specifically requested."
...Was that a squeak? How odd. Hannibal listened as they found someplace, thanked them, and hung up. "We'll have another portal in thirty seconds or less, to a more comfortable layover," he told Jono, handing back the receipt.
Jono needed a moment to stand there in awe. Blinking.
//We-// BOOM //--will?//
What manner of magic was this?
//How the bloody hell did you manage that?!//
TELL HIM YOUR SECRETS, HANNIBAL.
Hannibal laughed. "You see what I did; you were standing there." The portal appeared just to their right. "After -" BOOM "- you."
Jono stared at him for a few seconds more, before shaking his head and making his way to the portal, more than slightly bewildered.
That bewilderment pretty much tripled when he stepped through into what was pretty much the complete polar opposite of what they had just been standing in the middle of.
//... I don't understand.//
He was trying to! He really was!
Hannibal looked around and nodded in satisfaction, breathing deeply. "Why not? This is a much better stopover, isn't it?" Calming, clean, lovely.
//They have never, not even once, sent me anywhere like this,// Jono explained, bemused. //The nicest stopover I ever got was in a place made completely of chocolate. Completely. Which would be wonderful if I'd had a mouth at the time.//
Really, he was starting to wonder if perhaps he'd done something to piss the Portalocity staff off. Though he couldn't imagine what.
Hannibal shrugged. "I've never had any stopovers at all. I didn't realize they were a common thing." He looked around the spa. "I don't mind this, though."
//You wouldn't.// Jono projected a sigh and shrugged his shoulders. //I suppose it was only a matter of time before you got me back to one of these things anyway, hm?//
Maybe he'd do more than just talk about music with the masseuse this time?
Doubtful, though.
"I had nothing to do with it," Hannibal said, amused. "You heard everything I said to them. Though I was rather hoping to get you to the spa in our hotel. Once we arrived."
Jono gave the spa a somewhat mistrustful side-eye.
//What are the odds we set foot in the sauna and are immediately attacked by a tentacle monster, do you suppose?//
It was a perfectly reasonable concern.
"I believe the tentacle monsters are all in the freezer at Luke's," Hannibal answered, deadpan. "I doubt they enjoy heat."
//Pity,// Jono mumbled. //I'm going to be watching my back every second we're here.//
At least until he finally gave in and went for the massage. And then he'd probably just fall asleep.
Hannibal gave him an indulgent look. "I'll watch it for you if you like. You can watch mine." That sounded like much more fun in a place like this. It wasn't as if the masseuses were out to get them. Honestly, Jono, this was a perfectly nice stopover!
'Nice stopover' was, in and of itself, an oxymoron, Hannibal.
//... Deal.//
Still and all, there were worse offers.
//Where should we start, then?//
Hannibal eyed his sooty suit jacket and the...alien something...on Jono's. "A bath?"
And Jono eyed Hannibal for a moment before nodding. Okay, that seemed like a good idea, he couldn't deny that.
//A bath. If this stopover is as good as they want us to believe, the workers here won't so much as blink, anyway.//
He was kind of daring them to. Jono wasn't going to be satisfied until he had something to complain about.
Hannibal raised an eyebrow at him. "Why would they blink at a bath? I'm certain they have plenty."
Jono was doing that 'waving a hand vaguely toward his chest' thing again.
//Not that I'm expecting an audience, granted. Probably just being paranoid.//
It was his default state of being, really.
"No audience," Hannibal promised. "Come along, then." He headed for the main desk with all the confidence of someone in his element. By the time he was finished with the receptionist, they had a private bath, up to an hour in the sauna, and aromatherapy.
All billed to Portalocity.
Jono, meanwhile, was just about ready to start blaming wizards, or maybe assume that this was some sort of elaborate prank. Any minute, they'd be attacked by a drop bear, or maybe a trapdoor would open, dropping them into a pit of something quite unpleasant to step on, like Lego, or maybe a tornado would lift the roof right off of this place...
//I don't get it,// he muttered again. //This has to be a fluke.//
Hannibal was just going to smile tolerantly and put a hand at Jono's back to lead him to the bath. "If it will make you feel better, I'll point out we haven't got our luggage yet, and will be reduced to robes until they can clean our clothing."
//... You know, oddly enough, it does?//
Jono was a lost cause, Hannibal. A completely lost cause and you would be a saint for putting up with it if it wasn't for that whole cannibalism deal.
Hey, cannibals had saints! So did serial kilers!
"In that case, I'm pleased I could help. Would you like a robe?" He held out a fluffy, soft robe. "It's white, too. Terrible."
//Oh no. It's even fluffy,// Jono protested, even as he reached to take the offered robe. //What in the world have I done to deserve this, anyway?//
Clearly there was no justice in the world. Spa days. Fluffy robes. How was Jonothon ever going to survive?
"Terrible things, I'm sure." Hannibal handed Jono his and put his own on the bench by the bath. "Enough to warrant a steaming bath, as well."
//Really, that just leaves me wondering if I ought to misbehave more, or less often,// Jonothon admitted, giving the plush fabric a squish in his hands before setting it down by Hannibal's. He shook his head. //I guess I'll add that to the list of things to ponder, right along with getting you to order my portal tickets from now on.//
"And you often have these problems?" Hannibal shook his head as he stripped off his alien-soot-covered clothes. "Is it only with Portalocity, or have you always had poor luck in travel?"
//... I was once nearly cannibalized in an airport?//
So yeah. Jono and travel. Not great friends, really.
Hannibal just looked at Jono for a moment. "I probably shouldn't ask. Fortunately, I seem to have better luck."
Which had gotten them a very nice bath, which he was going to take advantage of, after he found someone to clean their clothes.
//You do,// Jono agreed, shrugging out of his jacket and eyeing it for a moment. Oh, that was tragic. He was going to try not to think about what some of that gunk might be. //Your clothing seems to have fared better, too.//
Le sigh.
"I would take credit - for better dodging if nothing else - but it probably has more to do with you keeping yourself between me and the worst of it," Hannibal acknowledged, giving Jono a brief hug in thanks. "It should be cleanable, though, so long as there's nothing too horrid in...whatever that is."
//Knowing my luck, it'll be radioactive, and I'll wake up tomorrow morning with two extra arms and a tail or something,// Jono mumbled.
He probably wouldn't.
//You'd still keep me around if I had a tail, right?//
Hannibal pretended to think about it for a moment. "Yes, even if you had a tail. Although you might have to put up with Joni pouncing on it every so often. You could bond with Beethoven over it."
//I'm fairly certain that there's nothing in the world that'll redeem me in the eyes of Beethoven for introducing Joni into his life,// Jono replied. //Really, though, he should thank me. He probably eats better with you than he did with the butcher.//
Which was really saying something, there.
//He definitely has all of the best spots staked out for himself, at any rate.//
"And will again once we return." If he ever forgave them for leaving; Hannibal hadn't yet encountered that facet of being owned by a cat.
Hannibal put on his robe, folded his clothes and reached out a hand for Jono's. "I'll get them cleaned if you want to get started on cleaning yourself." Hannibal wasn't as paranoid about Jono's appearance causing a panic as he was, but it didn't hurt to be careful.
//I'd appreciate that, actually,// Jono replied, taking a moment to empty out his pockets onto the bench - he wasn't letting some of those things out of his sight, ever - before peeling his way out of the rest of his somewhat gummed-up leathers. //Thank you.//
It wasn't the old days, when he'd eschewed the dormitory showers during peak hours because he was afraid of anybody seeing him without a shirt on, but this place was still something of an unknown, and the less opportunity he gave the staff to gawk at him, the better it seemed all around.
"You're welcome." Hannibal took their things out to the staff and extracted the promise of very careful professional cleaning before returning. He locked the door behind himself and smiled at Jono. "So. How are you enjoying vacation so far?"
[Preplayed with the wondermous![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
furnaceface, natch! NFB, NFI, but OOC is welcome!]
It was really just a shame, about the whole alien invasion going on overhead.
//I bloody well swear, next time they tell me a stopover is in a place with a varied population,// Jono swore, grabbing Hannibal by the hand so that he could drag him to shelter from a falling bomb, //with a unique view of the night bloody sky, I'm going to find that gnome and shove that travel guide right up his--//
BOOM.
Hannibal shielded his eyes from the light of that blast and gave Jono a look of mingled incredulousness and affront. "Why on earth is there any sort of stopover? Weren't there any direct portals?" He'd always gotten direct ones himself. "And why would they put one here?"
//Hell if I know,// Jono replied, peering out from under their shelter to see if the alien swarm was still circling overhead. The answer was a very emphatic yes. //They always give me the stopover trips. Sometimes it isn't so terrible, gives me a false sense of security for trips like these.//
"Do they have something against you?" Hannibal asked. Honestly, this was just… He winced as another blast hit fairly close. Then, giving Jono a look, he took out his phone and dialed the number for Portalocity. "What are our ticket numbers?"
//I've only ever been polite,// Jono protested, pulling a printout of their ticket receipt from his pocket and passing it Hannibal's way. //Hell, I've taken to offering to pay them extra for trips without risk of loss of limb or life!//
He was fairly certain some cackling salesperson was pocketing the difference.
Hannibal took the receipt with a nod. "I'm certain you have; it doesn't mean - hello," he said to the Portalocity person on the other end. "This is Doctor Hannibal Lecter. There seems to have been a problem with our stopover, as you can hear." He paused for an explosion, alien squeal, and wet-sounding crunch. "This is hardly conducive to safe arrival at our destination, is it?"
The pause this time was to listen to the employee on the other line give a standard, bland apology for the inconvenience. "I appreciate your position," Hannibal told him smoothly, "however I must insist upon another portal immediately. If not to our destination, then to a more comfortable stop. If you're unable to manage it, I will wait for someone who can. I suggest you hurry."
He was on hold only briefly before a manager came on, apologized profusely (did they sound as if they were sweating? probably), and started looking for a suitable portal. "Thank you," Hannibal said warmly. "And I would appreciate it if you could have a look at our return tickets as well? It really is quite rude to drop your customers into places like this unless specifically requested."
...Was that a squeak? How odd. Hannibal listened as they found someplace, thanked them, and hung up. "We'll have another portal in thirty seconds or less, to a more comfortable layover," he told Jono, handing back the receipt.
Jono needed a moment to stand there in awe. Blinking.
//We-// BOOM //--will?//
What manner of magic was this?
//How the bloody hell did you manage that?!//
TELL HIM YOUR SECRETS, HANNIBAL.
Hannibal laughed. "You see what I did; you were standing there." The portal appeared just to their right. "After -" BOOM "- you."
Jono stared at him for a few seconds more, before shaking his head and making his way to the portal, more than slightly bewildered.
That bewilderment pretty much tripled when he stepped through into what was pretty much the complete polar opposite of what they had just been standing in the middle of.
//... I don't understand.//
He was trying to! He really was!
Hannibal looked around and nodded in satisfaction, breathing deeply. "Why not? This is a much better stopover, isn't it?" Calming, clean, lovely.
//They have never, not even once, sent me anywhere like this,// Jono explained, bemused. //The nicest stopover I ever got was in a place made completely of chocolate. Completely. Which would be wonderful if I'd had a mouth at the time.//
Really, he was starting to wonder if perhaps he'd done something to piss the Portalocity staff off. Though he couldn't imagine what.
Hannibal shrugged. "I've never had any stopovers at all. I didn't realize they were a common thing." He looked around the spa. "I don't mind this, though."
//You wouldn't.// Jono projected a sigh and shrugged his shoulders. //I suppose it was only a matter of time before you got me back to one of these things anyway, hm?//
Maybe he'd do more than just talk about music with the masseuse this time?
Doubtful, though.
"I had nothing to do with it," Hannibal said, amused. "You heard everything I said to them. Though I was rather hoping to get you to the spa in our hotel. Once we arrived."
Jono gave the spa a somewhat mistrustful side-eye.
//What are the odds we set foot in the sauna and are immediately attacked by a tentacle monster, do you suppose?//
It was a perfectly reasonable concern.
"I believe the tentacle monsters are all in the freezer at Luke's," Hannibal answered, deadpan. "I doubt they enjoy heat."
//Pity,// Jono mumbled. //I'm going to be watching my back every second we're here.//
At least until he finally gave in and went for the massage. And then he'd probably just fall asleep.
Hannibal gave him an indulgent look. "I'll watch it for you if you like. You can watch mine." That sounded like much more fun in a place like this. It wasn't as if the masseuses were out to get them. Honestly, Jono, this was a perfectly nice stopover!
'Nice stopover' was, in and of itself, an oxymoron, Hannibal.
//... Deal.//
Still and all, there were worse offers.
//Where should we start, then?//
Hannibal eyed his sooty suit jacket and the...alien something...on Jono's. "A bath?"
And Jono eyed Hannibal for a moment before nodding. Okay, that seemed like a good idea, he couldn't deny that.
//A bath. If this stopover is as good as they want us to believe, the workers here won't so much as blink, anyway.//
He was kind of daring them to. Jono wasn't going to be satisfied until he had something to complain about.
Hannibal raised an eyebrow at him. "Why would they blink at a bath? I'm certain they have plenty."
Jono was doing that 'waving a hand vaguely toward his chest' thing again.
//Not that I'm expecting an audience, granted. Probably just being paranoid.//
It was his default state of being, really.
"No audience," Hannibal promised. "Come along, then." He headed for the main desk with all the confidence of someone in his element. By the time he was finished with the receptionist, they had a private bath, up to an hour in the sauna, and aromatherapy.
All billed to Portalocity.
Jono, meanwhile, was just about ready to start blaming wizards, or maybe assume that this was some sort of elaborate prank. Any minute, they'd be attacked by a drop bear, or maybe a trapdoor would open, dropping them into a pit of something quite unpleasant to step on, like Lego, or maybe a tornado would lift the roof right off of this place...
//I don't get it,// he muttered again. //This has to be a fluke.//
Hannibal was just going to smile tolerantly and put a hand at Jono's back to lead him to the bath. "If it will make you feel better, I'll point out we haven't got our luggage yet, and will be reduced to robes until they can clean our clothing."
//... You know, oddly enough, it does?//
Jono was a lost cause, Hannibal. A completely lost cause and you would be a saint for putting up with it if it wasn't for that whole cannibalism deal.
Hey, cannibals had saints! So did serial kilers!
"In that case, I'm pleased I could help. Would you like a robe?" He held out a fluffy, soft robe. "It's white, too. Terrible."
//Oh no. It's even fluffy,// Jono protested, even as he reached to take the offered robe. //What in the world have I done to deserve this, anyway?//
Clearly there was no justice in the world. Spa days. Fluffy robes. How was Jonothon ever going to survive?
"Terrible things, I'm sure." Hannibal handed Jono his and put his own on the bench by the bath. "Enough to warrant a steaming bath, as well."
//Really, that just leaves me wondering if I ought to misbehave more, or less often,// Jonothon admitted, giving the plush fabric a squish in his hands before setting it down by Hannibal's. He shook his head. //I guess I'll add that to the list of things to ponder, right along with getting you to order my portal tickets from now on.//
"And you often have these problems?" Hannibal shook his head as he stripped off his alien-soot-covered clothes. "Is it only with Portalocity, or have you always had poor luck in travel?"
//... I was once nearly cannibalized in an airport?//
So yeah. Jono and travel. Not great friends, really.
Hannibal just looked at Jono for a moment. "I probably shouldn't ask. Fortunately, I seem to have better luck."
Which had gotten them a very nice bath, which he was going to take advantage of, after he found someone to clean their clothes.
//You do,// Jono agreed, shrugging out of his jacket and eyeing it for a moment. Oh, that was tragic. He was going to try not to think about what some of that gunk might be. //Your clothing seems to have fared better, too.//
Le sigh.
"I would take credit - for better dodging if nothing else - but it probably has more to do with you keeping yourself between me and the worst of it," Hannibal acknowledged, giving Jono a brief hug in thanks. "It should be cleanable, though, so long as there's nothing too horrid in...whatever that is."
//Knowing my luck, it'll be radioactive, and I'll wake up tomorrow morning with two extra arms and a tail or something,// Jono mumbled.
He probably wouldn't.
//You'd still keep me around if I had a tail, right?//
Hannibal pretended to think about it for a moment. "Yes, even if you had a tail. Although you might have to put up with Joni pouncing on it every so often. You could bond with Beethoven over it."
//I'm fairly certain that there's nothing in the world that'll redeem me in the eyes of Beethoven for introducing Joni into his life,// Jono replied. //Really, though, he should thank me. He probably eats better with you than he did with the butcher.//
Which was really saying something, there.
//He definitely has all of the best spots staked out for himself, at any rate.//
"And will again once we return." If he ever forgave them for leaving; Hannibal hadn't yet encountered that facet of being owned by a cat.
Hannibal put on his robe, folded his clothes and reached out a hand for Jono's. "I'll get them cleaned if you want to get started on cleaning yourself." Hannibal wasn't as paranoid about Jono's appearance causing a panic as he was, but it didn't hurt to be careful.
//I'd appreciate that, actually,// Jono replied, taking a moment to empty out his pockets onto the bench - he wasn't letting some of those things out of his sight, ever - before peeling his way out of the rest of his somewhat gummed-up leathers. //Thank you.//
It wasn't the old days, when he'd eschewed the dormitory showers during peak hours because he was afraid of anybody seeing him without a shirt on, but this place was still something of an unknown, and the less opportunity he gave the staff to gawk at him, the better it seemed all around.
"You're welcome." Hannibal took their things out to the staff and extracted the promise of very careful professional cleaning before returning. He locked the door behind himself and smiled at Jono. "So. How are you enjoying vacation so far?"
[Preplayed with the wondermous
furnaceface, natch! NFB, NFI, but OOC is welcome!]